please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
