You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
