I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize