and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
