He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
