I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
