I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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