i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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