Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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