my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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