i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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