On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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