All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
