Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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