ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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