I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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