her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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