Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
