you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
