i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
