yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
