I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
