Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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