This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize