...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
