yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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