Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize