She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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