Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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