I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
