that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
