I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
