I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
