I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
