My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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