I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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