I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
