I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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