You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
