: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize