So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
