If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
