Swine flu. Run for my life!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
