Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
