It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
