She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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