I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
