I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
