It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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