The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
