she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
