CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize