new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
