I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
