please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
