not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
