piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
