Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
