Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
