Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
