do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
