maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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