oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we made out on top of his cat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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