Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
did i just pee glitter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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